The Devil's Beattitude

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to gather once a week with their fellow Christians - they are my best workers.

2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and then expect to be thanked - I can use them.

3. Blessed are the touchy, who stop going to church - they are my missionaries.

4. Blessed are the trouble makers - they shall be called my children.

5. Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears to them.

6. Blessed are those who are bored with the church services - for they are not edified during the service.

7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church - for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

8. Blessed are those who gossip - for they shall cause strife and division, which please me.

9. Blessed are those who are easily offended - for they will soon get angry and quit.

10. Blessed are those who do not give their time and money to carry on God's work - for they are my helpers.

11. Blessed is he who professes to love god, but hates his brother and sister - for he shall be with me forever.

12. Blessed are you who, when you read this, think about other people and not yourself - I've got you too!